TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
