Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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