hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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