Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
