I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
false alarm, still single
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
