i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
