yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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