I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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