While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
