the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We are two peas in an std pod
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
