She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
