Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
