i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
