But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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