I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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