did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
