Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
