yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
