Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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