it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
