Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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