i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
