Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
