and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The uberlube is also flammable
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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