FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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