sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
