..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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