Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
