Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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