i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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