I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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