So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
