at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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