I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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