HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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