Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
