This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
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I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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