Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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