I'm eating all of the evidence.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
