One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
