Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
