On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
