Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
