So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize