it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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