I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
