Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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