I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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