Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
