Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just sent this text using only my big toe
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
