I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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