you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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