I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
