Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
