Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
