Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
