i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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