i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
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Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
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I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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