ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize