I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
