Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
