the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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