You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
