Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
