So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
