I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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