The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
