foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
