Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
