What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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