I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
