Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I need a beard to bite.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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