note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
