i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
