I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
