the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My feet surprised me
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