Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
