i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
