you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Im part way to drunk.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
