What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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