So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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