C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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